i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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