I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
