My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
