do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
