mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
