honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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