ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to jail i love you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
