I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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