Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
