Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
