I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
