i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
