You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize