i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
