so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
