Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
