I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
