I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
