nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
