i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
