the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize