Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
