btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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