Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
