alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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