she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
