my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
