stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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