he was CRYING into my vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he just fucked me for my cheese.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize