I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
