what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
