apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
