the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
