Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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