I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
