cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
