Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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