I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
