So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
