he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my poor anus
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
