3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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