I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
