Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
