You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize