Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
MIDGETS
????
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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