i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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