Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
