dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
