Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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