my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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