"it" just moved
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
