I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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