i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
