every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you had me at cake vodka
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
