Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
