also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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