R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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