i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
