I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
