Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize