like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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