My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My liver is preforming stress tests.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
