An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize