every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
