yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
