6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize