Got a toothbrush?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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