I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
